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I don’t want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can’t even see it, something that’s drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead.
Margaret Atwood, Cat’s Eye (via quotes-shape-us)

I’ve mentioned to a few people in my life that this crush I have is awful and causes me anxiety. I don’t think they get it. This is literally making me cry and um… hurt myself again. I’ve been smoking a lot of weed lately so that I don’t have to feel all this shit and I can ignore how messed up my brain is. Now I have a drug test and I’ve had to stop smoking. This has left me with everything I’ve been avoiding for months now. I can’t do this anymore. I am so tired of overthinking and being smart and being okay and being the girl who survived. I am tired of struggling to be happy when anytime I get anywhere near where I want to be it all comes crashing down 10 times worse than before.

I am so fucked

I am livibg in the fantasy world that I created in my own head. Probably. I also can’t stop thinking about what everyone around me thinks about me. Not as in, I’m nervous and care what they think, I just keep thibking about how I come across to other people. Especially this one guy. And that’s why I’m fucked. I can’t even explain it properly. So nevermind.

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